A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Doctor

I had a doctor’s appointment first thing this morning. The doctor had asked me to fast from 10 pm on, so I made the appointment early: 8:30 am. I fed the kids some cereal, made sure they were dressed (we have trouble with this sometimes—another story), and asked them to get in the car.

All of the kids filed out the door, climbed into the van, and started buckling in. I followed them out with my purse, which I placed on the console of the car. I started back in the house to grab my keys, but I quickly realized that the door to the garage (which we typically keep unlocked) was very surely not unlocked. Awesome.

I called Daniel, and he tried to coach me through a few methods to get the door open. Try a razor blade or maybe a wire, he said. As I am not a thief or MacGyver, I did not succeed in getting the locked door open. I tried the windows on the ground floor, but all of them were locked. Welp, I thought, I guess I’m going to have to get up on the roof and check the upstairs windows.

I walked through the backyard and got the ladder out of the shed. Mind you, this is a painting ladder. Not tall enough to reach the roof. I put it on the porch to get a little boost, and clambered up on to the roof, thankfully without falling on my head. I checked the guest room windows: locked. First window to the kids’ room: locked. Second window: almost unlocked. Maybe I could pry it open?

This is me on the roof. 

I tried once and failed, and since it was getting close to my appointment time, I went ahead and called my doctor (from the roof—the receptionist thought this was hilarious. Little did she know how funny this was going to get). I hung up with her, and decided to try to the window again (because really I was not looking forward to trying to get back onto the ladder). This time, I succeeded! In no time, I was through the window. I slipped off my flip flops, which were soaking wet from walking through the backyard, ran down the stairs and outside to get the kids. 

This is me climbing in the window. So proud of myself!!

Except… I shut the door behind me. And you guessed it: I hadn’t bothered to unlock it. Or grab my keys. And so I was locked out again. Barefoot this time.

I climbed up the ladder a second time. I walked over to the window that was previously unlocked.

Yes, previously.

Although I had been so hasty as to forget to unlock the door to the garage, I had not forgotten to lock the upstairs window. Ever meticulous at the most inconvenient times.

So if you’re keeping track, I’m now locked out, barefoot, and on the roof. I asked the kids to steady the ladder, and I managed to get back on it again. I called Daniel, who was both amused and incredulous. I hatched a plan to ride our bikes to the train station and take the train to the city to get Daniel’s house keys. We’ll stop and have some breakfast at Starbucks. (I’m starving at this point). We’ll have an adventure! I thought. Make some lemonade.

The bike situation, however was less than optimal. For one thing, the inner tube on Tim’s back tire is busted, so he couldn’t use his bike. For another, I can hook the trailer to my bike, but I would need the bike seat that is on Daniel’s bike to get all four kids to the train station if Tim didn’t ride. So my choices were a) try to figure out how to transfer the bike seat to my bike or b) ride Daniel’s bike.

I got Daniel’s bike out, and tried to get on it. I could barely reach the pedals. I decided to look for some shoes in the garage. All I could find were my 15-year-old cowboy boots. I put them on, and went back to the bike.

So there I was, trying not to fall off on Daniel’s bike, boots and all, and generally feeling pretty ridiculous.

At that point, my littlest one piped up. “Mom! I have to go potty! Reeaaallly bad!”

We decide to walk down the street and ask our very kind neighbors if we can (ahem) use the facilities.

We explained the situation (I might have left out the part about getting in and then locking myself out again), and then headed back home to try to get ready to leave.

Minutes later, she walked down the street and offers to take us to the train station. “Actually,” she said, “I don’t have anything going on today. Why don’t I just drive you all the way there?”

And that is what she did. Drove me and my four kids to Five Below to buy less ridiculous shoes. To Chickfila to get breakfast for us all. To the city to get the keys from Daniel. To Rock ‘n Roll McDonald’s just for a good time. 

And really, it was a pretty fantastic day. And a pretty hilarious story.