Homespun Halloween

Recipe for the perfect Halloween memories:

3 coat hangers
1 package white tights
1 can spray glitter
silver pipe cleaners
star garland
1 yard elastic
1 white dress
1 hour
1 little angel

Another Tidbit

Ava discovered that she can nod her head today. So she has been laying there on her belly babbling ("bawaBAbaba") while agreeing emphatically with everything she says.

Giggles

Baby giggles are addictive. Lately, after I feed her just before bed, she has gotten in a giggly mood (I may have something to do with that). Even though we know we should be helping her to wind down, we just can't help it. We sit her up and play peekaboo, making all kinds of crazy noises. She loves to be surprised, and she lets out these beautiful infectious giggles. As you will see, I will do anything to make her laugh.

Snapshots at Six Months

Ava is trying to stand. She pushes her legs up underneath her, with us providing the balance. She allows her knees to buckle and rocks her body back and forth, giving the impression that she is doing the hula.

***

She enjoys sitting up and watching everything going on around her. She still needs to put her hands on the ground in front of her for support, but from time to time, she pushes up off her hands and puts her arms out to her sides for balance. The look on her face says she thinks she is flying.

***

In addition to her normal squeals and grunts, she is beginning to babble, alternating between "bababa" and "wawawa." We are working on "mamama" while Daddy is at work.

***

She swings her teddy bear above her head like it is a lariat.

***

She holds the bottle without support and feeds herself!

Da Pears

Lately, we've been mixing pears into Ava's rice cereal to sweeten it a bit. We decided that we would try to give her only pears with somewhat hilarious results:

Poor little kid. We are so cruel. The faces she was making were just so funny. We had to get them on video.

So Pretty

What's so great about having a six-month-old?

I'm sure you've been wondering. I realize that I've been using this blog to vent. It helps to know that you all are reading, and that I'm not alone. This is life right now. Ups and downs. Frustrations and joys.

There are so many fun things about this age. I want to make sure to celebrate those things, and not get too caught up in mornings that went like this one. So here are some great things about having a six month old in no particular order:

1. She's such a great size. She still cuddles up next to you when you hold her, but she is also sturdy enough that you don't have to worry too much about her head flopping from one side to the other.

2. It's fun to toss her up in the air. She loves this and lets out little squeals of delight.

3. She's ticklish, and giggles a little when you kiss the side of her neck and run your fingers across her belly.

4. She knows us and prefers us to other people. When I return from class or when Daniel comes home from work, she is just so excited to see us. She flashes us the biggest smile you've ever seen.

5. She loves peekaboo. I often hide behind a chair and pop out from various places. She strains her neck to see me and giggles when she does.

6. She is extremely interested in the cat, and tries to grab him as he passes by. (He generally tolerates this--good kitty).

7. She loves to see herself in the mirror. She smiles, coos, and makes faces and little noises. Vanity is adorable in a six-month-old.

8. She entertains herself by rolling all over the place and grabbing objects at will. It makes me laugh when I discover her some place other than where I put her. Like she is some little ninja baby.

9. Even though she's stubborn, she can't talk yet. Which means that when she screams, it doesn't come out "I HATE YOU- WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?" I think parenting would be a lot more demoralizing if she could talk.

10. She is getting more and more cuddly, especially in the mornings. She puts her head on my chest, just rests there, and sighs her happy baby sigh.

So there you have it. It's not all bad.

This Morning

It has really been challenging to teach this Algebra II class for the homeschoolers at church. So far, the planning hasn't been that overwhelming, as I've been able to use many of the resources from previous years. The hard thing has been getting to church for it by 8:30. I wish I had known what I know now before I agreed to have it at that the time. Ava is just not been willing to go to sleep before I leave. The inconsistency has really taken a toll on both of us.

This morning was particularly bad. Granted, we both survived. Here's how it played out.

6:05--Ava wakes me up (she typically sleeps until 7, so I am able to get up, shower, and pump for the bottle she will take while I'm gone).
6:10--I decide to get her up for the day, hoping that she will then go to sleep before I leave with plenty of time to spare for me to shower and pump (Ha!).
6:15--Feed her.
6:20--Daniel leaves to catch the bus.
7:00--Finish feeding. Grab some breakfast, run bathwater so I can just slip into the bath after she falls asleep.
7:15--Read a few books so she will wind down. She begins to yawn. I change her diaper, swaddle her up and put her down.
7:20--Fussing
7:30--Large poop. Oh boy. It's over. Unswaddle, change diaper again, swaddle her and put her back down.
7:45--Another large poop. Pick her up. Find her smiling (proud of herself!) Change the diaper again, put her back down.
7:55--Realize I have done nothing to get ready. Leave her crying in the crib so I can at least pump the bottle which she will need before I return. Dunk my head in the bathwater to wet my hair down. Comb out tangles. Begin to pump. Call Daniel in tears.
8:05--Next door neighbor knocks on the door the door to give me the keys to the van she has agreed to loan me for the morning. Answer, still in my pjs.
8:20--Heide arrives to babysit. She finds me in my pjs in Ava's room, pumping and crying. Throw on clothes and fly out the door.
8:35--Miraculously arrive at class looking somewhat human.

Ava actually did go to sleep while I was gone, which helped. I'm just not sure what I'm going to do with her. How do moms who work full time do it?

Trial and Error

My good friend Annie recently pointed out that parenting is a good deal of trial and error. It's very true. Trial and error doesn't sound like such a bad thing. Oh, you know, it's just trial and error.

Problem is, the error part often involves weeping and gnashing of teeth (can you say "teething"?). So I try something else. And on it goes.

That's why I consult The Books. I want to know The Answer. Right now. I want to know What-The-Experts-Say. I am devastated when it doesn't work or when it works for a while then stops. And I fight the urge to call all of my mommy friends and use said Books to fuel a bonfire in my front yard.

So I ask for advice among the mothers I respect. And you know what I am finding? Being a parent is just hard, and no one really knows what they're doing. There is no glorious, Capital-A-Answer that works for every child. There is plenty of diversity among parents, and plenty of times when nothing seems to work. One mom's fourth child never slept through the night in his own bed until he was five. Another mom's baby had severe reflux. Another mom nursed every hour for the first year. Another one had twins and gave up sleep altogether. My own mom remembers how I refused to sleep while battling severe ear infections. Motherhood is not normal for anyone. You just learn to survive. And to deal with it.

This is what no one tells you before you become a parent. You have to figure out your child. There's lots of people to help along the way and lots of good resources, but ultimately, what works for one baby may not work for another. You may have to spend some time putting all the pieces together. Maybe a lot of time. Becoming a parent means being okay with not having all the answers, and especially with not having them right away. It's not easy, but it's worth it.

Here are a few reasons why it's worth it for me: Ava's a beautiful creation of God, her eyes light up when she sees me, and, in the quiet moments, she clings to me and rests her pretty head on my chest.

What makes it worth it for you?

My Love

Okay, so I've been a little emotional lately. Babies can do that to you.

But that's not what this post is about. This post is about my wonderful husband. He's good to me.

I've been so preoccupied lately. Irritable. When I come into the house from a long trip into town and the kitchen is a disaster and there is food to be put away and the baby simultaneously needs to eat and take a nap and my head is about to explode, he's sweet and calm and gracious. He keeps me sane.

He also buys me flowers. I like that.

Thanks, my love, for partnering with me in this. Thanks for letting me call you in the middle of the workday to cry, for taking the baby as soon as you get home even though you've had a long day, for putting her down nearly every night, for keeping this ship from running aground financially, and for being such a wonderful and doting father to our little bundle of stub...I mean, joy. You're wonderful. I'm glad I married you.

A Blessing

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning. ~James 1:17

Well, my little love, six months ago today you came screaming into our lives. Half a year we’ve been together. It has filled me with joy to see you grow and change and bloom.

The first time I held you, all you could do was cry and blink. You’ve learned so much since then. Much to my delight, you’ve learned to smile and giggle. You learned how to hold your head up, then to roll from your belly to your back, then to from your back to your belly, then to roll from your belly to your back again. You figured out how to grab something and hold onto it and put it in your mouth (we have yet to learn how to be discerning about what goes in your mouth, however). You’ve learned that you have feet, and that your toes are somehow much easier to suck on than your thumb.

I’ll have to admit, my love, that I am smitten with you. As is anyone who meets you. If babies did such a thing, you would have exited the womb with a smile on your face. It is your default expression. Almost nothing fazes you. You are laid back and mellow and happy almost all of the time. When we play peek-a-boo or I sing to you or I kiss that little hidden spot on your neck, you giggle with delight. You really are a pleasure.

And you are staggeringly beautiful. Your big sapphire eyes, your long, dark, delicate eyelashes, that gorgeous smile—your dad and I can’t stop staring at you. Sometimes, when we sneak in your bedroom to watch you sleep, you sigh, and our limbs turn to jelly. God gives good gifts. You are a good gift.

I have so many hopes for you. I don’t know what you will excel at. Maybe you’ll enjoy writing or math or sports or art or music. Maybe you’ll blow everyone out of the water at everything like your dad. I’m excited to find out. These things will be a big part of who He made you to be. But my biggest hope is that you will love God with your whole self, and that you will find joy and comfort in His love for you. I hope that my love for you and your dad’s will be a small glimpse of this divine love, that our love for you will help you understand, in some small way, what it is like to be loved by Him.

I hope that you will show this love to other people, that you will be kind and gentle and merciful and compassionate. I hope that, as beautiful as you are, your true beauty will flow from your heart.

I love you so much, little one. Happy six-months.

Conjectures

Okay. I am fairly certain that the reason Ava has been so difficult the past few days is that she is cutting teeth. The only thing that seems to comfort her is letting her bite my fingers until she goes to sleep.

Plus, if my baby was easy to put to sleep, I would then have a perfect baby. And no one's allowed to have a perfect baby.

This is What Happens...

...when you get cocky.

My baby doesn't try to pee on me anymore, I thought. I just cuddle your sweet little naked tush while I drain some of the bathwater, I thought.

Yup, she did it. All over me. I'm with you, Maggie.

Missing Family

So, the good news is that Ava slept for an hour and half this morning. The bad news is that she slept on the Boppy on my lap. Sent to dreamland by momma's special sleep juice.

She had cried through her entire naptime and was ready to eat but so sleepy. This seems to be happening a lot lately. Generally, at least once a day, she falls asleep while I'm feeding her.

At this point, I just want her to sleep. She is still sleeping pretty well at night, but if she doesn't nap well during the day all bets are off. But letting her go to sleep while she's eating isn't tenable for very long. For one, eventually the day's bad habits will transfer to the night. Not to mention, I can't move her after she's asleep. Unfortunately, I have to do stuff during the day, like take a shower and eat. I realized I had to go to the bathroom about halfway through her nap this morning. She was resting on my bladder. I thought I was done with that.

Today, I just don't have the emotional energy to let her cry or any hope that it would do any good. I'm really feeling the distance between me and my family today. I really need my mom. There are so many wonderful women here who encourage me, but I am just not comfortable enough to call one of them and say, "Can you just come be with me all day while my baby cries? Can you help me figure her out? Can you hold me when I need to cry, and let me go to sleep with my head in your lap?" I'm actually quite jealous of Ava right now.

Daniel said last night that he thought he could feel a tooth coming through. Maybe that's why it's been such a hard few days. I would like to think that it's not that she hates the crib or sleep or me.

Done for the Day

No more fighting Ava fighting sleep for today. If anyone is looking for us, Ava and I will be camped out on the couch eating chocolate and watching a chick flick.

Mommy Boot Camp

There's laundry in the dryer that needs to be folded, and another load mildewing in the washer, but I'm choosing to let it sit for a little while longer. My excuse is that I have to actually leave the house and go into our neighbor's back yard to collect it, and it's raining. Hard. Who wants to carry their clean dry clothes in the rain?

The real reason, though, is that I need some company. Most of you are far away, but writing has made me feel connected to you. Like I'm not alone. It's hard to be here by myself sometimes. I don't resent Daniel for being gone. I am so thankful for his hard work that provides for us and allows me to be here full-time to love Ava. It's the most important job I have been given. To love her, and someday to teach her about God's love.

But some days I just want someone to stand next to me, hold my hand, and say, "You're doing the right thing. You're a good mom." If you've read the blog at all, you know that we've been trying to teach Ava how to sleep. You'd think that that program would come preloaded, but alas, you have to create it yourself. There are lots of books that claim to help, claim that if you do their regimen for just three days you will have a baby that loves naptime, but they lie.

I shouldn't be so dramatic. Ava is sleeping through the night. The books have helped some. She does sleep one way or another. She can't help it. Eventually she has to sleep. My concern is really the amount of crying required to get her there. I just don't know how much longer I can take it.

I'm not annoyed with it. It just breaks my heart. She cries and cries and cries. I've tried everything. I pick her up, she screams louder, arches her back and bangs her head into my collar bone. I leave her in the crib and sing to her, and she looks up at me in desperation and wails. I keep thinking, maybe I'm just not waiting long enough. So I try to comfort her a little longer. And she gets inconsolable. She screams so hard she coughs and makes herself sick. So I end up nursing her. And then that's all she wants after that.

We've been at this for a month. Our regimen seemed to be working at first. Things seemed to have settled down and it was looking like a normal routine was possible. But she wasn't a good soldier. She rebelled, and now I feel like I'm the one in boot camp.

Does this get better? Somehow, I believed things would be straightened out by now. I'm mostly asking for reassurance here. Maybe there's none to give. Things will get better when they do.

Any thoughts are welcome. Mostly, just thanks for listening.

Taco Shhhh, Taco Shhhh

Proof that when you become a parent, you get weird:

When I was teaching at Moanalua, Daniel and I went to a number of football games. They have this wonderful energizer cheer that the crowd loves. The cheerleaders yell something and the crowd repeats. It goes like this:

Hey burrito (hey burrito)
Hey hey hey burrito (hey hey hey burrito)
Hey yeah, burrito yeah (hey yeah burrito yeah)
Taco Bell, Taco Bell (Taco Bell, Taco Bell)
Guacamole, Cinnamon Sticks (Guacamole Cinnamon Sticks)

When we brought Ava home from the hospital and swaddled her all up, she looked so much like a burrito. The cheer immediately came to my mind. It became part of our bedtime routine. Granted, I didn't yell it at her. As I wrapped her all up, I very soothingly said, "Hey burrito..." Daniel provided the echo.

As time went on, the goal in the bedtime routine became to say "shhhhhh" as many times as possible. Thus, the cheer morphed into the following:

Shh burrito (shh burrito)
Shh shh shh burrito (shh shh shh burrito)
Shh yeah, burrito shhh (shh yeah burrito shhh)
Taco Shh, Taco Shh (Taco Shh, Taco Shh)
Guacamole, Cinnamon Shhh (Guacamole Cinnamon Shhh)

Yep. We're weird. Good thing she doesn't know it yet.

Growth Spurt?

This morning:

I fed her 4-5 ounces of milk and a Tbsp. of rice cereal.

I left her 7 ounces of milk in the fridge.

I returned at 10 am to find it all gone.

More chub to come.

Changing Table Conversations

What you would have overheard from the monitor this morning, had you been here:

"That's quite a mess. And all over the place. Let's get you out of that sleeper....Oh my goodness, don't grab that....Let's clean off your hands... No don't grab that either... That doesn't go in your mouth... Let's clean off your hands again... And wash them once this is over.... No, don't put those in your mouth..."

Such an adventure.

This Face

Ava makes this face about 10 times a day, and it cracks me up.

Why I Hate Grocery Shopping, But Love Safeway

My second least favorite thing these days is grocery shopping. I say second least favorite (which almost certainly the least eloquent way I could say that) because my first least favorite thing is not having any food to eat. I mean, besides what's in the half-rusted unlabeled can in the back of my pantry and the bread that taunts me at every turn.

We were down to bare bones, so I had to go to the grocery store. It's hard to do with a little one. I can't imagine how you do it with three, Corrie. Hopefully they at least help you get the bigger items in the cart.

My friend very graciously lent me her Baby Bjorn to try out for the day. I untangled it, put Ava in, got a cart, and went in to Safeway. Below is an account of my trip. I share it not because I want sympathy. I'm over it now that my headache is gone. I share it mostly for your amusement. Here is how you go shopping with a little one:

Aisle 1: Realize baby and grocery cart are drifting to the right. Grunt and grit teeth in an effort to get it to travel straight.

Aisle 2: Turn baby to face out, and wear self out throwing 15 cans of beans in the cart.

Aisle 3: Realize baby wouldn't flop around so much if her arms went through the holes in side of Bjorn. Put arms through the holes. Clean Safeway out of canned tomato products. Lean down, and fling 20 pound bag of rice into the bottom of the cart. Grunt some more.

Aisle 4: After baby's chin hits her chest, decide to turn her around, yet again. Try unsuccessfully to get Bjorn to open. Try to pull her vertically out of it. Sit on the floor. Heave ho. She's out. Paci rests on the floor. Sigh.

Circle aimlessly through the rest of the store, trying to bounce baby enough to distract her.

Checkout: Stand in line, rubbing temples to soothe headache. Look pathetic. Sing God's praises as clerk comes to take you to his newly open lane. Realize that he has taken you to the "express lane," and you most definitely don't have an express basket. Load 45 cans of vegetables on to conveyor belt as the people behind you in line with only a case of beer look on with annoyance. Say "thank you for having mercy on me" to the kind checker, both to show your appreciation and to let the people behind you know this wasn't your idea. Gladly spend a small fortune because shopping at Safeway is just so much easier than shopping at Daiei, and the people that work there seem not to resent your presence in their store. Enthusiastically accept help out to the car. Drive home and collapse.

Cereal

All of sudden Ava seems hungry. Ravenous, actually.

I usually feed her about 7:00 am, and she has been waking up hungry at 9:00 or 9:15. She has been routinely draining every bottle I leave for Heide. She drained a 5-ounce one the other day.

I ran into one of the girls from my Bradley class, whose daughter was born the day after Ava. She said that her daughter, Kyla (who, incidentally, makes Ava look small), started wanting to eat every hour and practically lunged at the spoon when she decided to give her a little cereal.

I started thinking that perhaps the reason that I'm having trouble getting her down for naps is that she is actually hungry. We decided that she was close enough to six months to give it a shot. So, for the first time, we gave her some very runny rice cereal. It's fun to see her trying to figure it all out. She's been staring longingly at everything we put in our mouths (especially Tostitos) for the past 4 months. Thought you guys might like to see some pictures of her first adventures with (semi) solid food.

After we gave her cereal in the morning, she took a two hour nap, and things have been going much better in the sleep department since. Probably not a magic bullet, but I think it might help. I've heard it said that introducing solids won't help them sleep, but my guess is that, at a certain point, not introducing them might keep them from sleep.

Anyway, it's been a fun few days. Now I've got lots more to clean out from under her chin. And the more solids she eats, the more chins she'll have.

That Darn Cat

I would punish the cat if he knew what he was being punished for. Maybe I'll punish him anyway.

Cats just do their own thing. It's maddening sometimes. You tell them not to do something. They do it anyway. You remove them from somewhere they shouldn't be. They go right back. They sense exactly where they shouldn't be and that is where you find them.

Ava didn't go to sleep this morning before I left for class. Heide, whose twin boys I have in my algebra class, has been watching Ava while I'm teaching. This morning, she very patiently patted Ava until she was almost asleep. Then...

Kitty unexpectedly jumped into the crib. Heide had left the door cracked so as not to make noise when she left. The cat pushed open the door and jumped into the crib. Of course, large black-and-white furry object was extremely interesting to my little girl. More interesting than dreamland.

She took about a 10 minute nap in the stroller after that. It's going to be a fun day.

Ava Chats

I decided to let Ava try to sit up a little more today, and she did wonderfully. I still have to make sure she doesn't face plant, but she's pretty strong. We celebrated with a web chat with Nana and Poppy. She seemed pretty amused by the whole thing:


She's getting big so fast. Pretty soon I'm going to be fussing at her for being on instant messenger at 2 a.m. Serves me right, eh Dad?

Sitting Up (or Sitting Duck?)

Click Here

Popp Ohana user note: if you like any of the pictures we post, clicking on them shows a bigger, better version which can be downloaded for printing (this is for you, Mom and Dad).

If Ava Could Talk...

...it would go something like this:

Me: What's wrong, Ava?
Ava: I'M TIRED!
Me: Why don't you go to sleep then?
Ava: I CAN'T! SOMEONE'S SCREAMING!
Me: That's you.
Ava: IT IS?
Me: Yes.
Ava: HOW DO I MAKE IT STOP?