Recipe for Candied Pecan FAIL

3 egg whites
1 scant cup brown sugar
3 dashes vanilla
7 cups pecans
1 dizzy brunette.

1. Preheat oven to 300 degrees.
2. Beat egg whites until firm. Add brown sugar and vanilla, stir until well blended.
3. Pour mixture over pecans; stir until coated.
4. Put in oven.
5. Hit self clean instead of kitchen timer.
6. Frantically try to get the oven to turn off and unlock when you realize that pecans are roasting over an open fire.
7. Send your father out to switch off the breaker in order to keep pecans and parchment paper from spontaneously combusting.
8. When oven cools off and unlocks, pecans are done!