I used to blog. Remember me?
I'm the one with the three kids, the crazy life, and the dirty floors. I'm the one barely able to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
I'm the one thinking but not writing, striving and failing, clinging to grace.
I'm the one putting band-aids on imaginary owies, trying to keep the refrigerator door closed, trying not to fall asleep playing with tiny disney princesses.
I'm the one trying to love my kids more than I love myself.
I'm the one admiring red curls, big brown eyes, and baby smiles. And thanking God every day for his good gifts.
I'm the one washing bubble juice out of my kids' hair, building forts from sheets and couch cushions, and losing my patience when I'm supposed to be having fun.
I'm the one at the grocery store, pushing a stroller and dragging a cart with two kids in it. I'm the one constantly being told my hands are full (I know), that I'm brave (I'm not), to grab hold of these tender years (I try).
I'm the one praying, "Help. Please."
I'm the one telling stories, learning to pretend again. I'm the one addicted to little giggles.
I'm the one feeling guilty for not cleaning when I'm playing with my kids and about not playing with them when I'm cleaning.
I'm the one realizing why mercy has to be new every morning.
I'm the one trying to hold it all together, even while reminding myself that Jesus is the one who really does.
Hey. It's been a while.
I'm the one with the three kids, the crazy life, and the dirty floors. I'm the one barely able to drag myself out of bed in the morning.
I'm the one thinking but not writing, striving and failing, clinging to grace.
I'm the one putting band-aids on imaginary owies, trying to keep the refrigerator door closed, trying not to fall asleep playing with tiny disney princesses.
I'm the one trying to love my kids more than I love myself.
I'm the one admiring red curls, big brown eyes, and baby smiles. And thanking God every day for his good gifts.
I'm the one washing bubble juice out of my kids' hair, building forts from sheets and couch cushions, and losing my patience when I'm supposed to be having fun.
I'm the one at the grocery store, pushing a stroller and dragging a cart with two kids in it. I'm the one constantly being told my hands are full (I know), that I'm brave (I'm not), to grab hold of these tender years (I try).
I'm the one praying, "Help. Please."
I'm the one telling stories, learning to pretend again. I'm the one addicted to little giggles.
I'm the one feeling guilty for not cleaning when I'm playing with my kids and about not playing with them when I'm cleaning.
I'm the one realizing why mercy has to be new every morning.
I'm the one trying to hold it all together, even while reminding myself that Jesus is the one who really does.
Hey. It's been a while.
2 comments:
You are a wonderful mother, your children are blessed! When I see you with your kids I think "I wish I could go back and do it over right this time" but then I remember the loneliness, isolation and guilt that marked those years and settle for regret. I know right where you are and can empathize with the struggle. Remember Jesus said, "in this world you will have tribulation, but take heart, I have overcome the world". Love and hugs to you, my friend.
Right there with you, girl. Right there with you.
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