Weary Soul.

Please forgive my failure to post to the blog. I have been busy, but that's only part of the reason that I haven't been posting. Mostly, I have been overwhelmed, and the busyness has prevented me from being able to process most of it. It feels like God put all the pieces of my life in a blender and push pulse. Or maybe puree.

The first of the major changes is that Daniel and I have decided that we are moving to Chicago this summer. We've been in the process of making that decision for a good number of months and have been dwelling in a state of limbo. That has made this move a little hard to talk about--we didn't know very much for a long time, and wanted to make decision before sharing too much. Since we made the decision, I've had a hard time conveying to everyone that we love how I feel about it. Completely at peace, and yet there is a sadness there.

I haven't known how to tell people at our church that we will miss them dearly. We will miss hanging out and serving alongside them and having deep discussions over coffee and letting our kids play together. They have been a blessing to us, and it hurts to leave.

I haven't known how to tell our family that we would really love to have them even closer to us than Chicago, but that we know that this decision is the right one. We would love to let cousins play and grandparents spoil and we hope they still can.

I haven't known how to explain how it feels to be moving to a place where I don't know anyone. Not a soul. It's scary. I know that God will provide, but if this season has taught me anything, it is that I need people. Community is important.

I haven't known how to explain that in spite of all of this, it is right. It is time. This is an amazing opportunity for Daniel. I'm so grateful that God has gifted him as he has, and that God has provided this job in the midst of an economic crisis. He has so many gifts, and this job will put them to good use and give him a chance to learn and be challenged even more than he is now. And Chicago is just a cool town. I'm looking forward to taking my kids to the Bean, to museums, and to concerts. The city has so much to offer, and I'm looking forward to the adventure.

So that's a major thing. And as we have made this major decision, we have closed on the condo we agreed to buy almost a year and half ago and moved in. For many reasons, the chief one being we have a very curious 10 month old daughter, this move was a hard one. Though we were excited to own our first place together and live in a building Daniel designed, it meant moving away from Kailua and away from our church family there. But we did it, and I was surprised to find how much I really liked our cozy little place. We're proud to own it. We worked hard to get here. A few weeks after the move, as things were just starting to get settled, I told Daniel, "I really like this little place."

The next day, Daniel came home and told me he had good news and bad. The good news was that 1 bedroom units in our building were selling like hotcakes. The bad news was that we probably needed to put it on the market soon, which might mean another move before the Big One. I was devastated, but by the end of the weekend, we had agreed to list our place. It went on the market last Monday.

On Monday, I got a phone call asking to show it. On Tuesday, we received an offer. On Wednesday, we accepted it. The buyers are investors, and they seemed to be receptive to the idea of a lease back. We are praying we don't have to move again.

On top of all that, Daniel is involved in lawsuit that is happening at work regarding a project he worked on. So far, they are not named in the lawsuit, but the contractor is pointing the finger.

On top of all that, I still have my Algebra 2 class, a missions class I'm taking, junior high ministry, mentoring for Common Grace, and planning meetings for the mission trip I am taking in May.

We have a lot going on.

Of course, none of this is tragic, but the cumulative effect has been somewhat overwhelming. Thing is, I have no doubt it is for my good. These past ten months have been some of the most intense of my life. I have at times felt weak, frustrated, alone, and overwhelmed. But God has used this time to challenge me--to make me teachable, trusting, and dependent upon his grace. Even though I feel a little lost in the madness, I feel found by my Savior. He has taught me so much.

I am learning that I need His daily provision, that dependence is a good thing, that prayer is vital. I am learning to love Jesus. I am learning that knowing Him is more than knowing about Him. I am learning that community is important and the gospel is central. I am learning that missions is about the glory of God, and that I need to be about God's kingdom. I am learning that God's grace is rich when I don't get it. I am learning that God comforts a weary soul.

So, we have a lot going on. But through it, God has brought us to a deeper place. A better place.