Prayer

You know what is a little scary about being a parent? Beginning to see yourself in your child. I'm not talking about the "oh, look she has your eyes and your little toe" bit (she does). I'm talking about her behavior, and well, maturity level.

Parenting gives you a small glimpse of what it must be like for God as he looks down at us. I know what's best for her (or at least I do better than she does). I know she needs a nap. She asks for something different. Asks and asks and asks. Loudly. But try as she might, she cannot make herself be awake and alert for 16 hours. She would love this, but her little body just won't do it. So I help her sleep. She doesn't get what she wants because I know it's not good for her.

It makes me think about my prayer life lately. I've said a lot of prayers like this: "Lord, please help her go to sleep. QUICKLY. Please help her stay asleep. A LONG TIME." Then she pokes herself in the face and starts to cry. And I get frustrated and angry. I start to ask questions of God, "You told me to ask right? Pray without ceasing? Forget the giving thanks in all circumstances part. Am I asking for something too petty, too insignificant that you don't respond? Am I not asking in faith? Are you trying to teach me a lesson here? I really think that I would be more teachable if I had a full night's sleep."

That last statement is most definitely not true. I'm not very good at being teachable, especially when I can go throughout my day pretending to operate on my own strength. I'm not very good at relying on him when things are just normal. It takes some stretching. Someone told me once that if you find yourself not praying very much it's probably because you are too self-reliant. That's very true of me.

Becoming a parent makes your realize how helpless you are. And I think that's part of what God is doing here. I don't think it's wrong to ask--after all, he tells us to. I am just beginning to think that asking is part of the point. I believe that God is teaching me that I need to endure, to have faith, and to depend on him, even when I don't get my way. He reminds us that he knows our needs before we ask. And like a parent, he knows our needs better than we do.

So like the widow in the parable, I keep asking. But along with those "Please let her go to sleep" prayers, I am asking for more important things, like patience, joy, peace, humility, endurance, faith, and dependence on Him. He knows I need all of those things. His will be done to get me there (as scary as that is).