So, the good news is that Ava slept for an hour and half this morning. The bad news is that she slept on the Boppy on my lap. Sent to dreamland by momma's special sleep juice.
She had cried through her entire naptime and was ready to eat but so sleepy. This seems to be happening a lot lately. Generally, at least once a day, she falls asleep while I'm feeding her.
At this point, I just want her to sleep. She is still sleeping pretty well at night, but if she doesn't nap well during the day all bets are off. But letting her go to sleep while she's eating isn't tenable for very long. For one, eventually the day's bad habits will transfer to the night. Not to mention, I can't move her after she's asleep. Unfortunately, I have to do stuff during the day, like take a shower and eat. I realized I had to go to the bathroom about halfway through her nap this morning. She was resting on my bladder. I thought I was done with that.
Today, I just don't have the emotional energy to let her cry or any hope that it would do any good. I'm really feeling the distance between me and my family today. I really need my mom. There are so many wonderful women here who encourage me, but I am just not comfortable enough to call one of them and say, "Can you just come be with me all day while my baby cries? Can you help me figure her out? Can you hold me when I need to cry, and let me go to sleep with my head in your lap?" I'm actually quite jealous of Ava right now.
Daniel said last night that he thought he could feel a tooth coming through. Maybe that's why it's been such a hard few days. I would like to think that it's not that she hates the crib or sleep or me.
3 comments:
I'm sorry you are feeling discouraged. I think you are a great mom, you just have a very strong-willed baby...it's like she has Popp genes in her or something? ;) I wish you had family there too. Well when I say that I mean I wish I was there...cuz I miss her very much!!!!!!
You bring tears to my eyes. I wish I were there too, to hold your hand or hers. It will get better - I know I keep saying that, but it will. I pray for you daily. Pretty soon she is going to be crawling and pulling up. Stop being by yourself so much. That makes it harder. Make habit of meeting up with Annie or someone a couple of times a week and commiserate with one another. It might not make Ava better, but it will make you happier.
Love you sweetie. Here's a big hug for you.
Mom
I'm not so sure the will comes from the Popp genes, or the Baker ones. I think it might come from both sides. She comes by it honestly, I think. You should come out, Amy. She misses her Aunt Amy too.
Mom, thanks. I love you lots, and miss you. Thanks so much for all you've done for me. I love you. Thanks for being a good example of selfless love for me. I miss you lots.
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