Baby Love

Ava loves me.

Now, I know this is not a new development. Right after I had her, after she finally stopped screaming, she looked up and locked eyes with me. I can't help but believe that after hearing my voice for months, she realized that there was something very familiar about me. I think that she loved me then in that totally dependent kind of way. She has always smiled when she sees me and snuggled up next to me when I fed her. Even so, I think I assumed that behind those smiles she was thinking one thing: "food lady."

Lately, though, that love seems more emotional in its nature. She seems genuinely attached to me. Since she has generally been waking in the six o'clock hour, Daniel has had the privilege of going in to get her up in the morning. He tells me that every morning, as soon as he gets her out of the crib, she starts looking around for me, arching her little body to peer around. When she finally sees me she squeals and virtually leaps out of his arms. Yesterday night, when we were sitting on the bed, she threw her arms and her body toward me as if to give me a hug. Tonight, while being passed around at a party, she made it very clear that she wanted MOM.

It feels good to be loved. Sometimes I need to be reminded that she does love me because I get lost in the every day stuff. It reminds me that I'm probably not as bad of a parent as I feel like sometimes.